Winter Greens

Ok -- let me take a deep breath before I try to explain -- alright. Think of "greens" like money, but instead of wanting stacks of it, you really want it to be dark as possible. Why? Because the darker the more nutrie-- look? Didn't you pay attention in high school?

Let me break it down for you as simply a I possibly can:

1. Buy a bunch of kale or collard greens, or a "Southern Greens" mix from the store (Trader Joe's sells it, at least)
2. Wash it, unless you have a secret death wish.
3. Cut out the thickest part of the stems off (don't hurt yourself), so that you most just have the leaves remaining.
4. Cut the leaves into strips unless you bought it pre-cut (duh)
5. Heat a pan with a tiny bit of olive oil. Let it get nice and hot for a few minutes before you put anything in it. Try to be patient.
6. Throw the greens in.
7. Add a little bit of salt.
8. Let them singe up a bit, you know, so the edges look a little crispy. Turn them over a couple of times in the process.
9. After a few minutes, or longer if you like them crispier, remove and eat.

I'm sure you can at least figure out that last bit.

You can also try leftover bacon grease instead of olive oil, but only use a little bit. Unless you want to get fatter than you already are.

Let me try to explain

There are, like, a million cooking blogs out there, if you haven't heard. A lot of them are worth reading (if you you can manage that). They mostly feature fancy recipes inspired by French cuisine with an added twist of Americana -- that "New American" crap that Yelp seems to think is so much the rage.

This blog isn't one of them. This blog if for you, who hardly knows a spoon from a fork. Hopefully you can learn a thing or two from here and not starve to death because of your incompetence. Good luck.